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Update 7.16.17

Loss of friends to a gain of friends.

  Lately I've been placed with challenges in friendships that have been making me question if I should continue being said persons friend. They know who they are and they know what they're doing.

  If you're reading this, this is how I feel. If you're offended, I can't apologize for speaking my truth.

  So we've been friends for quite a while, since high school you know? She's my best friend... probably soon to be WAS my best friend. See friends are always suppose to be there for one another no matter what. Ride or die. Period. End of story. Of course we'll eventually go into our own careers, into our own families as we get older but the friendship is still there. We'll sill know we have one another. At least that's how I think a friendship should work.

  This girl I've been friends with for a long time has taken upon herself to choose dick over friendship. I know I mentioned above as we grow older we…
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Update 6.28.17

So my moms leaving...

  I never thought I'd say that. One part of me wants to go to AZ with them, be with my mom, dad and sister. The other half of me tells me that my life is here. I'm suppose to be here in California. Living and trying to make it in the Bay Area. My mom said that if anything goes wrong I can of course come back home and that my family are planning on moving back to California... I just feel like I'm still alone.

  I know I have my moms family out here but I don't hangout with them as much. No one invites me to anything or asks me to hangout. I've always felt like the black sheep of the family. I don't mind being different, being different is how you get noticed. Hell its how I get jobs and a lot of people say I'm always being myself. Not saying my family isn't different or being themselves, I just like different things.

  I hope that I'll be closer to my moms side of the family, hangout with them more. I mean I don't even know…

Update 6.18.17

I'm torn... I'm feeling sad again or conflicted? I don't know.

  I'm trying to make something of myself, trying to find who I am again. I know I'm an artist, I use to draw almost every day. But I also love being behind a camera, for photos or filming. I remember I liked making short films all the time.

  Lately, I've been getting into more of my art. Seeing what I can do and push myself to get better. I don't have a camera. I use to a long time ago but my younger sister lost it and it was never replaced. I've been taking photos on my iPhone till I save up for a better camera as well as a new computer.

  I've been editing and taking the photos all on my phone, watching Youtube videos to help me along the way... but I think I found my passion again. I want to really focus on this and better my skill. I don't know if this hobby will turn into a profession but so far I've found my love again.

Update 6.15.17

Okay, okay, okay! I'll tell, I mean this is a beautiful place to visit and weirdly enough it's not even that far out in the San Jose. My little well kept secret is about to be... EXPOSED!!

  Honestly, I didn't know that a lot of people didn't know about this place just because of how close it is. I mean it's really really close to the Rose Garden. Wait, what? You don't know where the Rose Garden is? Please... Plleeeaaassseee tell me you're NOT from San Jose so I don't have to light a candle for you tonight.

  Okay well, a little background story about how I found out about this place. When I was younger I had this strong fascination with ancient Egyptian history. Loved it, couldn't get enough of it. So my dad took me and my mom there for a little tour which is here in San José, California and I fell in love with everything I saw. My parents loved taking my sister and me to all these fun and educational places.   I've even go to this place for …

Update 6.13.17

Jesus, it's been a while since I last updated. Sorry for the lack of posts, I've just been trying to figure out where exactly I want my career to go... that is if I have a career?

  Okay, so I never really planned my future, my bad. But honestly, I never thought I'd get this far in life. Growing up I figured I'd be married by now with kids because that's what I deemed as "normal" or honestly I didn't think I'd live this long. The more I think about it though... I'm having way to much fun doing what I'm currently doing. Which is dancing the night away with close friends, shopping, partying etc. basically being a free spirit.

  Recently I've been focusing more on my IG (Instagram) making it look more... professional... if that makes sense? I don't know, whatever, I'm trying to get my art noticed. The way I dress, the way my photos are taken, makeup etc. growing up I always had a thing for being behind a camera, filming, taking …

Update 5.25.17

Where to start, where to start....

 Well, let's start off with hi, its been a while. Everything in my life so far has been slowly getting better. A couple of negative aspects still happened in my life like my best friend moving to a different state and a guy I though who really liked me just as much as I liked him broke my heart.

 Now, this isn't going to be a post about my heart break because honestly the way he was, was just way to confusing that I get headaches from talking about it. I really felt like we had a good connection but I guess that wasn't even enough.

 Anyways, I'm getting caught up on my bills. Need to pay my car insurance and car payment soon. I have to get new tires so I'm going to be set back on money for a little bit. But that's okay, my money is going to my bills and that's what should matter most.

 I haven't been going to the gym as often as I should but today my sister and I spent like two almost three hours. I don't really ha…

Update 4.18.17

Hey again, long time no talk right? So last time I wrote I was in the middle of my car being repossessed while I was on holiday. Some crazy drama right? Well, its nothing that I can't handle though. At first, it was really stressful it really was a learning experience. Something I hope to never go through again and hope it never happens to my friends or family either. Through breakdowns, screaming and crying  I finally got my car back. I have such a great support system that I can lean on and I couldn't be more thankful to have them.

Everything in my life right now is just so stressful, family, friends, and love life. Sometimes I wish I could just pause everything and just have a moment to breathe.

I still feel like I'm trying to figure out who I am, or what I want to do with my life that is. It fucking sucks honestly, I get scared sometimes. Scared I won't know what I'll do with the rest of my life how I'm going to survive. I know I'll find my 'callin…