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Showing posts from 2017

Update 10.3.2017

When you take one step forward sometimes you take two steps back. I feel like no matter what progress I've been making into my life something is getting thrown into the gears.
  My check engine light went on in my car, of course just my luck, right? Just as I made a post about needing money, I guess more money more problems? I mean I'm not trying to rack in money just to throw it like I'm trying to get more money to pay my bills and live a life comfortably. I mean sure I do want to travel the world, I want to go everywhere I can but my bills come first.

  I'm honestly looking for a new job. Something with constant hours, I like my job with what I'm doing right now but I need something where I have promised hours. My friend was telling me to apply as a receptionist since their hours are set. She said I might have to take a pay cut though since I've never worked reception before. My mom said that it'll be easy for me to get the hang of since I already have …

Update 10.2.2017

So my best friend was telling me how I should start my YouTube channel up again. Vlogs, Tutorials etc. Now I use to do this before, but I would get made fun of doing this like all the time. Made fun of by my family as well as close friends. I still actually have a few of those very cringe-worthy videos still up on YouTube. Being made fun of for trying to make my own job I guess you can say via online pretty fucking sucked, and I know I shouldn't have let it be something that overruled what I really liked doing.

  "Why did you start YouTube?"    Well, I started my YouTube channel because one of my best friends in high school moved away to a different city and I didn't want her missing anything at school. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking weird. But I use to use this canon point and shoot camera, I would make videos about exciting shit that happened at school and post them and send them to her. I've since deleted most of those videos because people at school would be …

Update 10.1.2017

The first post for October! Wow, honestly this year has gone by really fast. I'm finding myself reflecting on a lot of what I've learned this year and if I started/ completed any of my New Years resolutions. I haven't completed most of them but honestly, do you really need a new year just to get yourself to do something beneficial in your life? So these are the 24 things that I've learned this year.'I love you' is not something to throw around to random peopleSpend time with your familyIf he walks away, you need to walk away tooAlways love yourselfYou will find loveYou will make more moneyFocus on yourselfCut out negative peopleIts okay to not be 'Okay'Talk about your feelingsDon't hold anything backDon't be the person saying 'I wish I did...' be the person that says 'Yeah, I did that.'Connect with nature moreIt's okay to not give a fuckLive within your means and not beyond itFriends that are successful help you want to be…

Update 9.15.17

Alright, I just want to go over my last post since it left a lot of people shook. I'll first go over some common questions that I was getting asked then we'll review together why I'm writing this blog.

  Frist question: 'Are you okay?' or 'Hey, how are you?' I'm fine... Okay I guess, sometimes. Right now 9.15.17 I'm feeling a little stressed, but overall fine. When you're talking to a depressed person texting them for one day doesn't really... hmm how should I say, reassuring them that they have a support system. When I was getting all these text messages that's when I knew that these people had read my blog. I had a feeling that had I not wrote what I was feeling no one would... have listened? I mean I'm glad I wrote it, I'm not ashamed of it. This topic is something that isn't talked about that often and I feel like it should be.

  Second question: 'Are you being serious?' or 'This is just a cry for attention.…

Update 9.6.17

I didn't know what to talk about since I haven't been doing much to update you. But I think I might have something to talk about now. Betrayal. Hurt. Anger. Trust issues.

  Some pretty heavy stuff right? Yeah I know, but with some recent shitty "events" as we'll refer to them have happened. Events that I'm not okay with. So as we all know or maybe have figured, I have trust issues. This was and has been caused from moving a lot as a child, knowing my real dad didn't want me and of course the Cherry of it all, heart break.

  With the moving I don't blame my parents for that, we had to move. But not having the same friends all the time was pretty shitty and going into middle school or high school where everyone knew each other where I had to start from scratch sucked. But I'm over it and I've learned how to make friends. But now as I get older I try not to get close to anyone in fear that I'll move or they'll move away. I like keeping…

Update 8.27.17

So I've been getting a lot of questions as to how I take care of my hair and what makeup products that I use. Honestly I never really thought of my blog turning into the direction of this becoming into just a beauty blog. I mean of course I'm going to answer the questions you have regarding what I use, I just never figured anyone would be remotely interested. 
  Well, where to begin... I guess we can start with hair since that shouldn't take too long. Or at least I hope it won't.
  So I use several different products now that my hair is blonde, and I'm thinking about possibly going lighter. I try to use as many hydrating products as well as items that are going to help keep my blonde hair looking fresh and not looking brassy. When I did get my hair dyed the first time going blonde it was more of a caramel warm blonde and when I went in for a second session we kept it kind of in that same caramel tone. I use a combination of products to keep my hair at its healthi…

Update 8.22.17

So I'm starting to see a lot more readers here on my blog, which is weird because I never figured my life to be interesting. I've gotten a lot of messages on my IG to do a Q&A or I guess do the "Get to know me tag." So we'll just jump right into it! Name: Chanel Nickname: Bunny Age: 24 Zodiac: Aquarius  BirthMonth: January Ethnicity: Filipino and White Favouritecolor: Blue FavouriteFruit: Peaches! FavouriteSeason: Fall  Favourite TV show: I really love The Office and I always refer to it in everyday life. I also like Parks and Rec and Community What TV show would you recommend to everyone to watch: The Office, Parks and Rec and Community FavouriteBooks: This one is kind of hard for me to pick, buutttt all of the Harry Potter books, To all the Boys I've loved before (books 1-3), Fruits Basket manga but I didn't like how it ended, and Kitchen Princess manga FavouriteFlowers: I really love Dahlia's I specifically like the peach or pink/white colored ones Favour…

Update 8.8.17

Ever since I was little my papa (grandpa) would always make me hot chocolate when I was sad. This year when things when I would get sad, instead of my papa making me hot chocolate it was me. 
  This year I celebrated a lot of holidays with my solo mug of hot cocoa, this was the first year I didn't get a sign birthday card or my birthday call. Fourth of July was always our favorite to spend together, lighting fire works spending the day our beautiful home in Gilroy and me playing with the cats. But the thing I miss the most besides drinking hot chocolate and spending holidays with him is that I'll never hear him call me sweetie again.    It's been almost a year since he's passed and I miss him so much. August is going to be read hard.

Update 8.5.17

Done. Officially done. I know I wrote about how I was dropping her, dropping her as a friend. But it was hard to do so. She and I were friends for so long... I just couldn't I kept making excuses to be her friend still I wanted the friendship to get better. But it's not going anywhere.

  I've had a lot of friends tell me that I'm not getting anything out of this friendship. That she uses me, that she's only there when she has no one else. Which I've noticed, she only texts me when she's bored or when she doesn't want to hangout with her step sister or her cousins. I just can't do it anymore, I need to be around friends who are going to be there for me.

  She doesn't know I have depression of anxiety, it's not something to typically advertise you know? But she was telling me her opinion about people who have it and she said, that people with depression and talk about killing themselves should just do it. She said that she would have the kni…

Update 7.30.17

Lately I've been getting told I've changed A LOT. But honestly I haven't changed not really. I'm still the same anime (anything nerdy to be honest) loving, snarky asshole I've always been. I feel like people are saying I've changed is because I'm becoming more "involved" if you want to use that word.

  What I mean by involved is going out more, yes I know I've been a straight up party girl for the past two years now. But what I mean by going out more I mean working out a lot more, going to events with my friends. Making new friends and becoming closer to my moms side of the family. Or we'll I think I'm getting closer to them? I don't know. They still don't invite me out anywhere. I was talking with my mom about it and she said that she never got invited to anything either. She then told me that if I see all of them hangin out I should just go. Pretty much inviting myself... But if I don't get an invitation in the first pl…

Update 7.16.17

Loss of friends to a gain of friends.

  Lately I've been placed with challenges in friendships that have been making me question if I should continue being said persons friend. They know who they are and they know what they're doing.

  If you're reading this, this is how I feel. If you're offended, I can't apologize for speaking my truth.

  So we've been friends for quite a while, since high school you know? She's my best friend... probably soon to be WAS my best friend. See friends are always suppose to be there for one another no matter what. Ride or die. Period. End of story. Of course we'll eventually go into our own careers, into our own families as we get older but the friendship is still there. We'll sill know we have one another. At least that's how I think a friendship should work.

  This girl I've been friends with for a long time has taken upon herself to choose dick over friendship. I know I mentioned above as we grow older we…

Update 6.28.17

So my moms leaving...

  I never thought I'd say that. One part of me wants to go to AZ with them, be with my mom, dad and sister. The other half of me tells me that my life is here. I'm suppose to be here in California. Living and trying to make it in the Bay Area. My mom said that if anything goes wrong I can of course come back home and that my family are planning on moving back to California... I just feel like I'm still alone.

  I know I have my moms family out here but I don't hangout with them as much. No one invites me to anything or asks me to hangout. I've always felt like the black sheep of the family. I don't mind being different, being different is how you get noticed. Hell its how I get jobs and a lot of people say I'm always being myself. Not saying my family isn't different or being themselves, I just like different things.

  I hope that I'll be closer to my moms side of the family, hangout with them more. I mean I don't even know…

Update 6.18.17

I'm torn... I'm feeling sad again or conflicted? I don't know.

  I'm trying to make something of myself, trying to find who I am again. I know I'm an artist, I use to draw almost every day. But I also love being behind a camera, for photos or filming. I remember I liked making short films all the time.

  Lately, I've been getting into more of my art. Seeing what I can do and push myself to get better. I don't have a camera. I use to a long time ago but my younger sister lost it and it was never replaced. I've been taking photos on my iPhone till I save up for a better camera as well as a new computer.

  I've been editing and taking the photos all on my phone, watching Youtube videos to help me along the way... but I think I found my passion again. I want to really focus on this and better my skill. I don't know if this hobby will turn into a profession but so far I've found my love again.

Update 6.15.17

Okay, okay, okay! I'll tell, I mean this is a beautiful place to visit and weirdly enough it's not even that far out in the San Jose. My little well kept secret is about to be... EXPOSED!!

  Honestly, I didn't know that a lot of people didn't know about this place just because of how close it is. I mean it's really really close to the Rose Garden. Wait, what? You don't know where the Rose Garden is? Please... Plleeeaaassseee tell me you're NOT from San Jose so I don't have to light a candle for you tonight.

  Okay well, a little background story about how I found out about this place. When I was younger I had this strong fascination with ancient Egyptian history. Loved it, couldn't get enough of it. So my dad took me and my mom there for a little tour which is here in San José, California and I fell in love with everything I saw. My parents loved taking my sister and me to all these fun and educational places.   I've even go to this place for …

Update 6.13.17

Jesus, it's been a while since I last updated. Sorry for the lack of posts, I've just been trying to figure out where exactly I want my career to go... that is if I have a career?

  Okay, so I never really planned my future, my bad. But honestly, I never thought I'd get this far in life. Growing up I figured I'd be married by now with kids because that's what I deemed as "normal" or honestly I didn't think I'd live this long. The more I think about it though... I'm having way to much fun doing what I'm currently doing. Which is dancing the night away with close friends, shopping, partying etc. basically being a free spirit.

  Recently I've been focusing more on my IG (Instagram) making it look more... professional... if that makes sense? I don't know, whatever, I'm trying to get my art noticed. The way I dress, the way my photos are taken, makeup etc. growing up I always had a thing for being behind a camera, filming, taking …

Update 5.25.17

Where to start, where to start....

 Well, let's start off with hi, its been a while. Everything in my life so far has been slowly getting better. A couple of negative aspects still happened in my life like my best friend moving to a different state and a guy I though who really liked me just as much as I liked him broke my heart.

 Now, this isn't going to be a post about my heart break because honestly the way he was, was just way to confusing that I get headaches from talking about it. I really felt like we had a good connection but I guess that wasn't even enough.

 Anyways, I'm getting caught up on my bills. Need to pay my car insurance and car payment soon. I have to get new tires so I'm going to be set back on money for a little bit. But that's okay, my money is going to my bills and that's what should matter most.

 I haven't been going to the gym as often as I should but today my sister and I spent like two almost three hours. I don't really ha…

Update 4.18.17

Hey again, long time no talk right? So last time I wrote I was in the middle of my car being repossessed while I was on holiday. Some crazy drama right? Well, its nothing that I can't handle though. At first, it was really stressful it really was a learning experience. Something I hope to never go through again and hope it never happens to my friends or family either. Through breakdowns, screaming and crying  I finally got my car back. I have such a great support system that I can lean on and I couldn't be more thankful to have them.

Everything in my life right now is just so stressful, family, friends, and love life. Sometimes I wish I could just pause everything and just have a moment to breathe.

I still feel like I'm trying to figure out who I am, or what I want to do with my life that is. It fucking sucks honestly, I get scared sometimes. Scared I won't know what I'll do with the rest of my life how I'm going to survive. I know I'll find my 'callin…

Updates 3.16.17

Hey, guys sorry for not updating last time about me going to the gym and meeting the trainer. A lot has been going on that's in my life that's been keeping me from being able to go to the gym. I've been having a rough time with my depression and recently shit happened with my car so now I don't really know what to do.

Picture this, waking up to a beautiful morning, telling yourself everything is going to be a great day. Makeup on point, hair beautifully kept then you go outside to go to your day and a bird shits all over your face. That's literally my life right now.

My dad's job relocated him to Tucson, Arizona last year and my sister is going to college in Tucson as well. My mom is finishing up her schooling here in California and once she's done with that she's going to be moving to AZ. I will still be staying in California because my friends, boyfriend as well as a job is out here, I don't have my own place but I'll be staying with my grandm…

Why hello there

Hi! Chanel here and this blog is going to be about me. Why? Well because I have nothing better to do besides writing about myself. No, only joking. This blog isn't just about me it's about my friends and my family as well, the drama that goes on, me surviving it etc.

I'd like to talk about the first steps that I took today to help with my life. Now, my life isn't "shitty" meaning that it's not as bad as I personally perceive it to be. However I have had shitty moments in my life, but I mean come on who hasn't? Now the steps I took today to improve on my life was getting a gym membership, I know, I know. Big whoop a gym membership BAF (Basic As Fuck) however I did this because not only do I want to get back in shape to what I use to look like, let's just say that I'm tired of some people calling me fat. Now get this, I'm not fat in fact I'm only 20lbs heavier than what my ideal weight is supposed to be at. I'll get into the whole &q…