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Why hello there

Hi! Chanel here and this blog is going to be about me. Why? Well because I have nothing better to do besides writing about myself. No, only joking. This blog isn't just about me it's about my friends and my family as well, the drama that goes on, me surviving it etc.

I'd like to talk about the first steps that I took today to help with my life. Now, my life isn't "shitty" meaning that it's not as bad as I personally perceive it to be. However I have had shitty moments in my life, but I mean come on who hasn't? Now the steps I took today to improve on my life was getting a gym membership, I know, I know. Big whoop a gym membership BAF (Basic As Fuck) however I did this because not only do I want to get back in shape to what I use to look like, let's just say that I'm tired of some people calling me fat. Now get this, I'm not fat in fact I'm only 20lbs heavier than what my ideal weight is supposed to be at. I'll get into the whole "fat" story in another post.

I'm also starting this blog because like so many kids my age, I suffer from OCD, Anxiety, and Depression. The triple threat as I like to call it, now my OCD isn't your typical OCD. What happens to me is I freak out when certain things are overly clean ie my bedroom or closet, and I over think things. Which the over thinking can put a damper on the dating aspect of my life. Anxiety I don't suffer too much from but occasionally I do get panic attacks. Now my depression is a little SOB (Son Of a Bitch) my depression is like this shadow that follows me quietly every day. Sometimes days are good, some days aren't with my depression I normally just turn quiet. I won't talk much and I'll cry all the time. Not a lot of people know I have depression, as they say, the funniest people are the best at hiding their depression. I have inflicted self-harm which I don't like to talk about too much either.

Now my depression and my OCD are almost best friends as I like to think of it. See its almost like a party or a kickback if you will. There I am talking/texting a cute guy all the sudden I say or type something I think I shouldn't have said. That's when OCD comes with the overthinking, once the overthinking is at its peak depression comes in. The thoughts start rushing through my head that I'm suddenly not good enough for said person, I'm stupid, etc. Then BAMB anxiety kicks in leading me to sometimes self-harm.

Other topics I'm going to be writing about will be of horrible relationships I use to be in, dealing with toxic people/friends and how I survived everything because I feel like someone out there who might be going through something that I went through could use advice or help or just know they aren't alone. I know for sure when all the shitty stuff was happening to me I definitely felt alone.

Day by day I'm learning how to cope with everything. I hope you embark on this journey with me, hear about my life and maybe we can become good friends.

xo,
 Chanel

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Updates 3.16.17

Hey, guys sorry for not updating last time about me going to the gym and meeting the trainer. A lot has been going on that's in my life that's been keeping me from being able to go to the gym. I've been having a rough time with my depression and recently shit happened with my car so now I don't really know what to do.

Picture this, waking up to a beautiful morning, telling yourself everything is going to be a great day. Makeup on point, hair beautifully kept then you go outside to go to your day and a bird shits all over your face. That's literally my life right now.

My dad's job relocated him to Tucson, Arizona last year and my sister is going to college in Tucson as well. My mom is finishing up her schooling here in California and once she's done with that she's going to be moving to AZ. I will still be staying in California because my friends, boyfriend as well as a job is out here, I don't have my own place but I'll be staying with my grandm…

Update 4.18.17

Hey again, long time no talk right? So last time I wrote I was in the middle of my car being repossessed while I was on holiday. Some crazy drama right? Well, its nothing that I can't handle though. At first, it was really stressful it really was a learning experience. Something I hope to never go through again and hope it never happens to my friends or family either. Through breakdowns, screaming and crying  I finally got my car back. I have such a great support system that I can lean on and I couldn't be more thankful to have them.

Everything in my life right now is just so stressful, family, friends, and love life. Sometimes I wish I could just pause everything and just have a moment to breathe.

I still feel like I'm trying to figure out who I am, or what I want to do with my life that is. It fucking sucks honestly, I get scared sometimes. Scared I won't know what I'll do with the rest of my life how I'm going to survive. I know I'll find my 'callin…

Update 6.28.17

So my moms leaving...

  I never thought I'd say that. One part of me wants to go to AZ with them, be with my mom, dad and sister. The other half of me tells me that my life is here. I'm suppose to be here in California. Living and trying to make it in the Bay Area. My mom said that if anything goes wrong I can of course come back home and that my family are planning on moving back to California... I just feel like I'm still alone.

  I know I have my moms family out here but I don't hangout with them as much. No one invites me to anything or asks me to hangout. I've always felt like the black sheep of the family. I don't mind being different, being different is how you get noticed. Hell its how I get jobs and a lot of people say I'm always being myself. Not saying my family isn't different or being themselves, I just like different things.

  I hope that I'll be closer to my moms side of the family, hangout with them more. I mean I don't even know…